Copycats & Doppelgangers
by uberneko-zero
Summary: Sasuke develops a sudden fear for his sanity when he realizes he might like his best friend. Sai, Sasuke's unwanted doppelganger, becomes a greater thorn in his side when it becomes obvious the crass boy likes Naruto as well. YAOI. SasuNaruSasu SaiNaru
1. The Copycat

**Copycats & Doppelgangers**

(Part 1: The Copycat)

Summary: Sasuke develops a sudden fear for his sanity when he realizes he might like his best friend. Sai, Sasuke's unwanted doppelganger, becomes a greater thorn in his side when it becomes obvious the crass boy likes Naruto as well. YAOI.

Sasuke/Naruto/Sasuke some Sai/Naruto

**Disclaimer:** Naruto was created by Masashi Kishimoto. Then some people in suits turned it into an anime. They have names. I just don't know what they are. In any case, I am merely borrowing the characters.

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**A/N: **This was intended to be a Oneshot (in which I am both taking a breather from the Death Note fic (A Balm for Social Failure), and proving to myself I _**can**_ write a story that is under 50,000 words. _Kore de yoshi!_)

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**Spoiler Warnings & Other Stuff:** Warnings for Sasuke's character development (and events surrounding him) up through episode 135. I make reference to some things that happened during that time and a decision he made.

The character Sai is from Naruto Shippuden, the next part of the series after the FILLER (eps 136-220). Minor spoilery thingies for him as well, but nothing massive. In the series, he became a part of Team 7 with Naruto and Saukra for a while while Sasuke was off doing other things. Aside from his debut in episode 1 of Shippuden (they did a Tarantino-esque peak into the future), he really comes in at episode 33.

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**Part 1:**

"Hey, Sasuke..." Naruto said ponderingly.

"What?"

"You remember when we were kids?"

Sasuke made a slight face of annoyance as he tried to keep Naruto from distracting him from the task at hand. "That's rather vague... A point of reference would be helpful."

"Pfft," Naruto scoffed before obliging. "Like when we first formed team seven?"

"I blocked out most of that due to Sakura," the black-haired boy said as he worked. "She was starting to traumatize me more than my dark, tragic past."

"Yeah, about that," Naruto cut in. "I know everyone thought you were _awesome_ and all - enough to obsess over your every move - but they had it _all wrong_."

"I was good at what I did," Sasuke prickled defensively. Why wouldn't they look up to him for being an excellent ninja? "I was the ace rookie-"

"A master brooder," Naruto added obnoxiously, speaking over him.

"And top of our class-"

"Unoriginal."

_Unoriginal?_ Sasuke paused, feeling mildly insulted, but also annoyed that Naruto might think less of him for something. Not that the blond had bothered himself to be specific... "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"You're a copycat," Naruto said plainly, in an almost lecturing tone. "It's a nasty habit you've always had and it hasn't improved with age. It amazes me that all your supposed coolness has blinded everyone from seeing that."

"..." Sasuke stared at the blond. He felt his eye starting to twitch - a reaction Naruto excelled at invoking. "Not that it matters, but what are you going on about?"

One of Naruto's enormous blue eyes blinked at him critically as the blond regarded him over his shoulder. "I was paying attention back then, and it's been bothering me for years. We were all kids, but you were trying so hard to act cool that all you ended up doing was copying things people said and acting like you were the one who came up with it - and everyone bought it. You've even copied ME before."

"Impossible," Sasuke dismissed the notion that _anything_ Naruto said would be profound enough to repeat.

"You DID," Naruto insisted. "Though usually it would be Kakashi-sensei or someone else." The blond's face scrunched up in annoyance. "ARRRRRGHHHHH it pissed me off! You were coasting on other people's coolness all this time and none of your fans even noticed! It was fraud--"

"Even were that the case-" he interrupted drolly before the blond really warmed up to his rant (Naruto could sometimes complain like it was an endurance sport), "-it never stopped _**you**_ from following me around like a puppy with its tail between its legs." Sasuke punctuated the statement with a few well-placed elbow grinds into Naruto's bare back.

"Nnngh," Naruto groaned, eyes squinting shut as his muscles were kneaded so roughly. "Bastard," the blond said gruffly, switching to a combative tone as if to cover the peculiar quality of the noise he'd just made. "Who taught you massage? You're worse than the hag."

"It's me or nothing, Dobe," Sasuke reminded him warningly.

"Alright, alright," Naruto grumbled. "Don't stop...." He breathed out heavily as Sasuke found another knot. "But would it kill you to be a bit more gentle?"

Sasuke hesitated as he considered how to proceed. "How gentle? Like this?" He smoothed his hands down Naruto's back and rolled lazy half circles up along his spine. "I thought you liked it harder...?"

"Mmmmn."

Sasuke was surprised to feel the blond's response ripple through him.

Stranger still was the combined oddness he felt at that, and the vague distraction of supple flesh beneath his fingers. It made him more aware of the body beneath him, causing him to give it more than a casual appraisal. Naruto certainly had a nice form... it was evident that he trained extensively. But this was the first time Sasuke had taken much note of it.

Sasuke frowned. Perhaps straddling the other boy's body was not the best of positions. Though it made massage easier, it suddenly seemed rather awkward. He could feel the blond's body heat warming his skin. It was both disturbing and disturbingly appealing.

He tried to ignore the fact that he was likely going insane. It ran in the family after all, but maybe it would go away if he ignored it.

"I never followed you around like a puppy," Naruto muttered sulkily.

"You still do." Sasuke worked over the muscles in the blond's shoulders, cutting off the other boy's retort with the deeply penetrating motion.

"Nnnn... do not."

Again, the sound affected him unexpectedly. Sasuke forced his mind from lingering on the curve of Naruto's hips between his thighs, which was nothing short of a feat to accomplish. "Don't argue with me, Dobe, you know I'm right."

"No, I know you're an uppity bastard. And you have a high opinion of yourself that is needlessly shared by everyone else."

Naruto had fine golden hairs dusting his lower back. They were soft, and pale against the tawny gold of his skin. Sasuke ran his fingertips over the ones just above the waistband of the other boy's pants without thinking.

The blond's body tensed. "S-Sasuke?"

The faintly tremulous tone to his voice was intriguing. "What?" he murmured.

"Um..."

"There was a piece of lint," Sasuke lied airily. "Calm down. Your tensing up is ruining all of my hard work."

Naruto's lean body tensed further beneath his hands as he resumed the massage. It seemed to shudder a little before slowly giving in to his request, which did nothing to distract Sasuke from some surprising and very inappropriate thoughts.

For instance, he was greatly regretting the fact that they were in one of the many public lounge areas in the Hokage's tower. If they had been at his own house, or even Naruto's sorry excuse for an apartment...

"Hey, Dynamic Duo," a particularly annoying voice, to Saskue anyway, grated from the open doorway.

"Sai!" Naruto piped up with a pleased grin - the antithesis of Sasuke's reaction to the intruding ninja. "When'd you get back? I thought you were in Grass Country for at least another week?"

Sai leaned against the doorframe, arms crossed over his chest in a manner that was vaguely stand-offish yet displayed his bare midsection in an inviting way. Sasuke had decided long ago that he hated that outfit, and the other boy in general. His sense of fashion was worse than Naruto's. Though, he admitted, Sai managed to look good even in bad taste; that was part of what irritated him the most.

"We finished early," the other black-haired shinobi said without expression. "Hokage-sama wanted to see you both... but I could tell her you are otherwise engaged?" A tiny, lewd smirk ghosted the corner of his pale lips.

Naruto seemed to become aware of the compromising position he was in and promptly scrambled out from under Sasuke with an embarrassed flush rising in his face. "No, no, it's nothing like that."

"Oh? Nothing like what?" Sai said dryly, looking quite entertained as Naruto waved his hands about in denial.

"I messed up my back, so I asked him to help me out with a massage." Naruto fidgeted. "There was no one else!" he added defiantly.

"Hmmm." Sai looked Naruto up and down and then Sasuke. "I wasn't aware Sasuke-kun was good with his hands."

Naruto coughed and busied himself with looking for his shirt and jacket.

"Sasuke-kun," Sai addressed him then, "Why don't you go see her first, hmm?" _Get lost_, was the unspoken message.

Sasuke narrowed his eyes at the other boy and his faux smile. His pale face was so blankly cheerful... and his eyes were closed as if to hide his true thoughts and feelings. It was annoying. "Very well." He got up off the couch and straightened, smoothing a few wrinkles from his white shorts, glaring at Sai the entire time.

"You know, Naruto," Sai was saying as Sasuke left the room, "I happen to be very skilled at massage..."

Sasuke ground his teeth, deciding that it was reasons like this that he hated the ninja that everyone thought was so similar to himself. Naruto's enthusiastic exclamation in response was another.

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"Sasuke-teme, I said _**wait**_!" Naruto hollered.

Sasuke ignored him, pushing his hands deeper into his pockets as he walked at a fast pace. They'd spoken with the Hokage, they had their new mission, and his business with Naruto was complete. And he was _not_ jealous.

"Go home, Dobe, I have things to do."

"Like what?" Naruto challenged, huffing as he finally caught up.

"None of your business." He didn't really have anything to do, but Sai always put him in a rotten mood. The boy liked to imply that there was something going on between himself and Naruto, only to have the blond vehemently deny it. Then the tankini-wearing bastard would give Sasuke a look that let him know that he was laughing on the inside.

It shouldn't annoy him that Naruto seemed to like the pale, socially-maladjusted pain in the ass. But it did.

A lot.

Especially when Sai seemed to lavish a special sort of attention on the blond... Especially when said special attention looked a lot like flirting...

"Sasuke-bastard's a bastard," Naruto announced.

"Idiot blond is an idiot," Sasuke shot back with a roll of his eyes.

"Aw, c'mon, Sasuke!" Naruto groaned, "You were in such a good mood earlier."

"Was I?"

Naruto thought about that for a moment. "Well, a good mood for _you_. You were less pissy than usual."

Sasuke glared at the blond, who was smiling mischievously at him. "It's a wonder I haven't killed you yet."

"It's because you'd be sad if I weren't around to bug you all the time."

"Hn. I wouldn't be sad, I'd be ecstatic."

"You'd miss me," Naruto assured him, throwing an arm around his shoulders.

Sasuke almost broke stride. Almost. "Get off me, Dobe. Your jacket clashes with my hair." Good god, did he actually _like_ Naruto? The unsettled feeling in his stomach said 'yes'.

"Yeah? Well your shirt clashes with my jacket."

Sasuke's mind supplied an easy fix for both complaints and the thought of seeing Naruto half-naked, and maybe also from the front this time, was almost too vivid.

"I'll lose my jacket if you lose your shirt," Naruto said in his ear.

Sasuke jumped back as the words stirred something in him he was positive would result in nothing good. He could feel the blush it had inspired on his cheeks, and felt nearly mortified at his reaction. Naruto was watching him with wide, blue eyes.

"It was a joke, Sasuke."

Sasuke wasn't sure he believed that, but he didn't handle embarrassment well. Those emotions he didn't know what to do with often turned to anger. "Well it wasn't very funny, was it?" he said sharply.

Naruto glared at him. "Well maybe it would have been if you weren't so uptight!"

"If I'm so uptight, then why the hell do you hang around me all the time when I want to be left _**alone**_? Go bother Sai or something, I'm sure at least he'd _appreciate_ it." _Oh god, why did I mention Sai?_ Don't_ bother Sai, Naruto_.

"You're such an asshole," Naruto said through clenched teeth. His eyes were squinted shut unhappily. "I guess it's my fault for thinking that there was more to you underneath all that." He turned on his heel and stomped off in the other direction.

"Naruto," Sasuke said in frustration. The blond swatted a hand in his direction without turning around, telling him to _piss off_, but kept going.

Sasuke watched him until he disappeared from view around a building. "I am an asshole," he lamented. But he did not know how to deal with this new sort of fixation with the blond he was now becoming aware of. He knew his mood was not stellar most days, but if it continued like this, it would be rough times ahead.

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Naruto tiraded at Sasuke in his head, and cursed himself for being stupid enough to say something suggestive in the first place.

He should have known Sasuke would react like that. Truthfully, he could have expected worse. But why bring Sai into it? He wasn't so optimistic as to believe Sasuke was jealous, though he did seem to dislike the ninja with the short black hair more than was warranted.

No, Sasuke was just being a prickly bastard, telling him to go somewhere he was wanted.

"Che," Naruto grumbled. He'd had enough of being unwanted. He didn't want to hear it from his best friend as well. He was tired of imposing on people. Maybe he would go and see Sai... his back still hurt and his spirits were low enough that he didn't feel like going home.

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Sasuke, in his darkening mood, decided that the best thing to do was to stalk Naruto. '_Follow'_ Naruto, he amended. The blond had seemed really hurt this time... it was his duty as a friend to make sure he was ok.

Right.

Putting his skills of stealth to the test, Sasuke 'followed' Naruto. It was vexing indeed that after debating going home, Naruto seemed inclined to visit the tankini ninja, as Sasuke had unthinkingly suggested. _Stupid, stupid, stupid,_ Sasuke berated himself. He leaned futhur around the side of a building as he crouched, watching Naruto ring the doorbell of Sai's apartment.

"Greetings, fair Uchiha," a spandex clad horror acknowledged him energetically, nearly scaring him out of his skin. "What brings you to this part of town?"

"Shhhh!" Sasuke threw a finger in front of his lips and glared at Lee. His eyes darted back to Naruto to see him disappearing through the doorway. "Dammit."

"Is there some reason you do not wish for Naruto to see you, Sasuke-kun?"

"Several," he replied cagily. "But now is not a good time, Lee. I'm busy."

Lee looked thoughtful. "It appears that you are infringing on Naruto's privacy. That is not something you should be busy with, Sasuke-kun. If you are lacking in stimulating activities with which to occupy your time, I would be more than happy to suggest a few--"

Sasuke rubbed a hand over his face. "No, that is quite alright..." He waved his hand at Lee in a shooing motion. "So if you'll just--

"Sasuke-kun," the bowl-haircut sporting ninja said resolutely, "I cannot leave you to this. Stalking is not a proper and healthy activity to engage in."

"Yeah, well neither is sodomy, but people still do it."

"W-What is that? Your tone implies something exceedingly inappropriate."

"Oh, and it is," Sasuke agreed blithely. "That's why I am making sure it doesn't happen to Naruto. You better ask Guy-sensei about it- it's very complicated and I'm sure it will be easier to understand coming from him." _I'm evil. But an ends to a means, right?_ "You should go ask him right now; then you can help me keep Naruto on the path of virtue."

To Sasuke's delight, Lee got a very determined look on his face before sprinting off in search of his teacher.

He smiled. _So, naivety was good for something!_

Speaking of naive, Sai was most certainly not. Naruto was in danger.

Sasuke ninja-ran to Sai's building and pressed his back to the wall, so he would not be visible from the windows. He heard something inside... voices, perhaps. Creeping up to a window that would belong to Sai's unit, he listened closer.

_"Nnn... no, not there..."_

_"Shhh, you'll come to like it..."_

_"Ahhh!"_

_"Mmmm, so hot..." _

Sasuke could not believe his ears. He flushed hot with rage and something else as the muffled voices painted a picture in his head. He could see Sai (the bastard!) leaning over Naruto, lifting long, tanned legs as he...

The image shifted. Sasuke could see _himself_, leaning over Naruto, lifting long, smooth, tanned legs as he moved between the other boy's thighs... Naruto's face would be flushed, his eyes partially closed as he bit his lip in pleasure...

Sasuke mentally slapped himself. Really hard.

Another moan sounded from inside and Sasuke's frazzled nerves snapped. He couldn't let Sai do that to his best friend! He couldn't let that pervert have him! (By the sound of things, it's a little late for that, isn't it?) his inner voice asked. _Shut up!_ he growled at it and broke down the door.

...Or he would have, but it happened to be unlocked. He fell into the apartment rather ungracefully as two pairs of eyes turned his way.

"Can I help you, Sasuke-kun?" Sai asked.

"Sasuke??!" Naruto said.

"Er..." Sasuke replied intelligently as he noted the two other boys were both fully clothed. He stared at Sai's deadpan expression and then Naruto's shocked face.

_"Oooooh, yes," a voice from the television set moaned._

_"Nngh-- Ahhhhh."_

_"Harder, Ah!"_

As Sasuke watched, Naruto's face slowly blushed a bright red.

"Ummm, this isn't what you think," Naruto said nervously.

Sasuke blinked at him, and then looked over his shoulder at the screen which showed two actors that were both unmistakably male. "It isn't gay pornography?" he asked skeptically.

"No!" Naruto stammered. "I mean, it was just on... it's not like we wanted to watch it or rented it or anything. Sai, turn that off!"

"But it's about to get to the best part," Sai said without embarrassment.

Heavy panting and gasping issues from the TV, scandalizing to hear.

Naruto looked rather desperate and started searching for the remote.

"Looking for this?" Sai asked, holding it aloft. "But maybe your friend here wants to watch it," he said slyly.

"Sai!" Naruto stage-whispered, his face turning redder by the moment. "_Please._ I'll do anything."

Sai took a moment to smirk at Sasuke before complying. The sound powered off right as one of the actors let out a full-throated groan of completion.

The ensuing silence was deafening.

Sasuke felt very uncomfortable indeed. His best friend was watching gay porn with the guy that seemed to want to jump him AND had just agreed to do _anything_ the pale-faced bastard wanted. To top that off, Sasuke was not left unaffected by the noises that had accompanied the depiction of lovemaking, and all he could do while hearing that is stare at Naruto and wish they had been doing the same. _Insane. I'm insane._

The other problem he had was that he had just busted into Sai's apartment unannounced. He searched for something he could say to explain as the blond started to give him the hairy eye. "Uh... Naruto..."

"Why are you even here, Sasuke?" Naruto spat. Apparently he, too, liked to use anger as a cover for embarrassment. "You told me to get lost, and now you're following me around? _Just what__** is **__it with you??_"

"I'm sure you two have a lot to talk about," Sai said lightly, standing up to stretch. "But Sasuke-kun, you are an uninvited guest. Please remove yourself. I have business with Naruto-kun and you are intruding upon that."

Sasuke gaped. "No," he said with horror. He knew the peaky bastard would try to turn that into something perverted! "Any business you have, had better not be--"

"It's none of your concern, Sasuke," Naruto said. He looked shifty, as if he didn't really believe his own words. "Just leave."

"Or stay," Sai said, pulling Naruto up off the couch and into a deep kiss.

Naruto twitched as their bodies pressed full-length against each other, and tried to pull away but Sai was persistent and eventually the blond's eyes closed in defeat. The shamed blush that blazed across his tanned cheeks incited Sasuke to fury.

Sasuke leapt over the couch, intent on strangling the life from Sai before the other boy could fully molest his best friend.

He managed to knock Naruto aside and rode Sai to the ground, wrapping his hands around his throat and pinning the other boy's legs with his as he sat astride him. Sai gripped his wrists so that his windpipe would remain whole. He smiled up at Sasuke.

"That's enough," Sasuke growled.

Sai's eyes cracked open, and held his. "Is it?" he said lightly. "I can feel you digging into my hip."

Appalled, Sasuke released him and tried to gain some distance, but Sai held on, his smile widening to a grin.

"I wouldn't mind showing you how things work, since you seem so shy, Sasuke-kun," he said teasingly while grinding his hips upward.

Sasuke shuddered at the foreign feeling. _Naruto, Naruto, Naruto._ He knew it was Sai and yet his brain was fixated on how this would feel with the blond. Doing things with Naruto... things like what he had seen on that video. GOD. "Sai, you sick freak! Let go of my arms before I'm forced to hurt you." His voice sounded a bit odd to his own ears, but reasonable authoritative.

As he moved to stand, he felt himself being hauled to his feet by an irate Naruto. Not only hauled to his feet, but dragged outside, where he expected a torrent of verbal abuse for infringing on the blond's privacy and embarrassing him.

Once they were outside and a little ways away from Sai's building, Naruto shoved him against a wall, glaring at him as he gripped the collar of Sasuke's shirt in his fist.

The next thing he knew, Naruto was kissing him hard and dirty, and Sasuke's stomach was doing somersaults as his spine melted. It was better than he had ever imagined a kiss could feel. He pulled Naruto against him, reveling in the heat of his body and the harder heat pressing into his abdomen. His head was spinning as Naruto's hands slipped under his shirt and smoothed firmly up his back.

Sasuke had never been this aroused in his life.

He panted as Naruto kissed down his neck and sucked at his skin. It was overwhelming. It was wonderful. It was torturous. His belly was aching with desire and he wanted nothing more than to push Naruto down onto any horizontal surface, and take things as far as they could go.

"Naruto..."

"I can't believe you let him do that," the blond muttered against his neck.

"..." _I didn't_ let _him do anything_, he wanted to say, but Naruto was speaking again.

"If I had known you weren't a total prude, I would have said something sooner..."

"I'm not a prude," Sasuke said angrily, though it came out rather breathy.

"You are," Naruto assured him hazily, as he moved in to recapture Sasuke's lips. Sasuke shuddered at the sensual tone of them. He'd never seen Naruto like this. He was so... so...

Sasuke found words were failing him. _Sexy_, _demanding_, _vulnerable_, none of those things fully captured how the blond looked and felt to him in this moment. "You let him kiss you," he accused suddenly, a belated come-back he hadn't meant to voice. _Oh, why can I not keep my mouth shut?_ He didn't want to piss Naruto off, or otherwise ruin the moment...

"I'll kick his ass for that later," Naruto said distractedly. "And for trying stuff on you... but..."

"What?"

"Would you hate me if I said... that I loved the look on your face as much as I wanted to knee him in the nuts?"

"Ah..." Sasuke wasn't sure how to respond.

"I couldn't stand it anymore... seeing you make expressions like that..." Naruto's hand trailed down Sasuke's stomach. "Stupid Sai." Naruto's mouth latched onto his neck as the blond's questing hand palmed him.

Sasuke smothered the noise that threatened to escape him, as his focus narrowed to the where Naruto was touching him. This was not the place for such things... they were barely in an alley for God's sake. But... _Oh_, he couldn't bear to make Naruto stop. "Naru...to..." he groaned as the blond's hand slipped underneath his waistband unbidden and took hold of his desperate flesh. "Ah..."

Naruto's fingers were like the hand of god, seeming to transform him with every brush. Every stroke was bringing him closer to the shining edge of this painful desire. He was so hard he felt he would burst. He gripped Naruto's shoulders, thinking suddenly that they should stop, that he should push Naruto away before anything happened to change their relationship to something more than friends. "Do...be," he panted, not finding the strength to do more than hold on to his best friend as he was kissed again thoroughly. He cried out suddenly into the dampening hush of the blond's mouth as his body began to shake in staggering tremors of release.

"Sasuke," Naruto said huskily, brushing his lips over the other boy's flushed cheeks. "Will you come to my place?"

Dazed, Sasuke agreed.

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**TBC**


	2. The Pests

**Copycats & Doppelgangers**

(Part 2: The Pests)

Summary: Sasuke develops a sudden fear for his sanity when he realizes he might like his best friend. Sai, Sasuke's unwanted doppelganger, becomes a greater thorn in his side when it becomes obvious the crass boy likes Naruto as well. YAOI.

Sasuke/Naruto/Sasuke some Sai/Naruto

**Disclaimer:** (See part 1 for full disclaimer.)

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**A/N: **This may be a little bit longer than I thought. Still aiming for short though! ^^

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**Part 2:**

Sasuke woke the next morning with a niggling feeling that something... _something_... was heinously wrong. It was almost enough to make him try to regain his previously unconscious state, but his mind liked to torment him relentlessly, so he found himself surveying his surroundings instead.

It did not put him at ease.

Oh, no. Not at all.

The state of chaos he found himself engulfed in was quite enough to make him run screaming into the dark depths of his own private hell, but that was typical of the mess in Naruto's apartment. What really got to him in that moment - besides the fact that he could not remember much of the previous night _and_ that he was on the couch with tan arm flung over his naked stomach - was the sight of a used condom on the living room floor.

No, not only that...

What bothered _even more_, was that he could not even say whether its use had occurred during the gaping hole in his memory or even which of them might have used it.

_Did we really...?_

He stared at it as if it were about to move. He peered at it from where it lay enshrined by a lazy ring of scattered bottles of alcohol, and nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard a knock at the door.

He shrugged out from under Naruto, grabbing the thin blanket that had been covering them to cover himself as he went to see who it was, and the blond didn't even twitch. Sasuke considered kicking him awake as he started to snore softly, but decided it would only increase the discomfort of the situation. He hobbled towards the door, cursing as he almost tripped and fell several times over the sprawling clutter that inhabited the floor.

_This is all Sai's fault,_ he decided with irritation.

He wrenched the door open, feeling a storm cloud brewing over his head with every continuing moment of wakefulness.

On the stoop, looking back at him, was perhaps the last person he wanted to see. He stared at them a moment, then promptly slammed the door in their faces.

Their.

For there were, in fact, two someones on the stoop...either of whom would be the last person he wanted to see. He was starting to hate green.

"Sasuke?" came the sleepy yawn from the blond on the couch. "Who was it?"

Sasuke gave him a steely glare. _Did you use that condom, or did I? Did we really have sex or are you just that much of a slob?_

Naruto blinked back at him. "What?"

Sasuke then glared pointedly at the discarded piece of off-white latex in its fairy ring of inhibition-reducing wreckage.

Naruto leaned over the edge of the couch to look, promptly turned bright red, and started stammering out something incomprehensible - the clarity of which was further destroyed by the blond's discovery that he was very much nude.

The visitors could still be heard outside. One pounded on the door. "Sasuke-kun! Invite us in! You are being extremely rude, and that is not befitting of a ninja in the flower of his youth."

"Come back later!" he hollered back.

"Is that... Lee?" Naruto asked him with confusion.

"Sasuke-kun," a deeper voice called out. "Sodomy is not necessarily wrong, but I think you should take some time to reconsider..."

Sasuke put a hand over his face. "And Guy-sensei," he muttered.

"W-What's that he's saying about sodomy?" Naruto squeaked.

A sudden puff of smoke obscured Naruto from his vision as Guy appeared next to him. The older man put a hand on Sasuke's shoulder, startling the bejeebus out of him. He stood stock still, feeling very inadequate with the sheet wrapped around his hips. But not nearly as inadequate as Naruto, who was desperately trying to cover his boy bits with his hands. His blue eyes were as wide as saucers.

Sasuke locked gazes with him, and they were most assuredly thinking the same thing. _Don't look at it!_It was amazingly hard to keep their eyes from twitching to the rubber on the floor, disastrous as that would be.

"As I was saying, Sasuke-kun, there is still time to nip this in the bud...Hm? What's that?"

"UH.... Can I make anyone some tea?" Naruto offered quickly.

"Well, I wouldn't recommend it unless you put some clothes on," Lee said reasonably, having climbed in via the unlatched window. "You might burn yourself."

"I'll be fine," Naruto assured him, embarrassment burning his face as he jumped up, hands still positioned for maximum coverage. "What kind would you like, Guy-sensei? Green tea? Red? Oolong?" As he distracted the man with the choices, he sidled over to the fairy ring of bottles and kicked some clutter over top of it. "Haha, well, I'll just get dressed while you think it over."

The blond scuttled out of the room backwards, somehow not tripping over the piles of junk, and Sasuke was left alone with the two bowl-cut sporting ninja.

"Ah...." Sasuke said. Awkward did not properly express the unpleasant feel in the air. "So what brings you by Naruto's so early in the morning?"

"SODOMY," Lee announced.

Sasuke successfully prevented himself from losing hold of the blanket as his hand spasmed in startled surprise, but it was close. This candid little scene was forcing his eyes wider than he would have thought possible, and his skin was itching with the need to be _anywhere_ else right now. His dark eyes whipped to the side as Guy, despite Sasuke's fervent wishes, began to make this even more torturous by speaking.

Guy nodded in affirmation of his pupil's proclamation, and addressed the half-naked Uchiha. "I heard of your concern for young Naruto, and thought I would check up on him for you." He rubbed his chin and leveled Sasuke with a stern look. "Sodomy is a _tricky beast_, Sasuke-kun, you must be aware of its potential to occur at ANY TIME and be prepared to resist temptation." He nodded sagely. "Deeply caring for a friend or a pupil can lead to **danger**..."

Guy smiled then, a sparkle glinting off of his teeth, nice-guy style. "It's a _good thing_ we got here when we did."

Sasuke, meanwhile, was edging towards the other side of the living room, trying to escape.

He could borrow clothes from Naruto, he thought. As long as the two spandex-clad ninja didn't realize he was as bare as the blond was under the shield of his blanket, he could coast on their misconceptions.

"Uh, hey, Sasuke, you wanna borrow-"

Naruto's voice startled him, making him turn slightly to look, gaining him the inception of the **Worst Case Scenario**. Something from the junk heap caught at his foot and he was falling.

Falling.... and losing the blanket. It waved before his outstretched fingers, flapping just out of reach as he hit the floor. _Shiiiiiit!_

Dignity prevented Sasuke from remembering the following three and a half minutes.

The next thing he knew, he was sitting in Naruto's room, on his bed, wearing a pair of grotesquely colored boxer shorts that had little 'X's over a plethora of Uchiha clan symbols and were accompanied by obnoxiously happy evil smilie faces. They were purple.

"Er... about those," Naruto said with embarrassment. "I forgot to do laundry - I mean - they uh... aren't mine..."

"Nevermind that, Naruto, give me some pants, and tell me what the hell we're going to do about THEM." He jerked his head towards the direction of the living room.

"How the hell am I supposed to know?" the blond gestured wildly. "For all I know, they're crazy. Maybe _you_ should tell my why they keep going on about... about..."

"Sodomy?" Sasuke said drolly.

Naruto flushed slightly. "Yes, that. By the way, I really haven't done any laundry. All I have is what you're wearing and a pair of my usual pants...." he trailed off. "That I...uh, wore for a few hours the other day. Sorry."

Sasuke gave him a _Glare of Death_. "Where are they?" Better the pants than being caught in these boxer shorts.

Naruto cringed and leaned over to pick a pair of blindingly orange pants off the floor. He held them out apologetically.

Sasuke growled, but accepted them, putting them on with an expression akin to curdled milk. As he fastened them, he noted they hung low enough on his hips (he was a little slimmer than Naruto) that the wretchedness of the boxers was exposed. Great. Purple, orange and black. He felt like a fucking Halloween party favor. "Shirt?" he demanded.

Naruto shook his head mutely.

Sasuke wished he would stop staring. "_Dobe_," he cursed. He felt ridiculous enough as it was without the blond gawking at his less than perfect appearance. Besides, Naruto had no room to laugh at him - _he_ was wearing a pair of black boxers that proclaimed "Sassy" all over them in various colors of neon text. Sasuke didn't ask. He didn't want to know.

"Do they, uh... know anything?" Naruto asked nervously, his eyes trained on Sasuke's bare torso.

Naruto was SO not asking him this right now, Sasuke fumed internally, feeling the color rising in his cheeks.

Blue eyes met his awkwardly as the other boy continued, "That we... um..." The blond scratched at his arm and then began studying the floor as if with great interest as his face began to darken with a blush. "...you know."

"No, I don't know," Sasuke said gruffly, grabbing him by the shoulder. "I can barely remember coming over here last night, where we must've drank a hell of a lot judging by the bottles on the living room floor." He leaned in, gazing unflinchingly into the oceans of Naruto's eyes and the blond leaned away, looking cagey. "Just what happened last night?"

"N-Nothing! I don't know!" Naruto was a horrible liar. He also looked strangely appealing with sleep-rumpled hair.

"I um, have to brush my teeth," he exclaimed, shrugging off Sasuke's hand. He bolted out of the room.

Sasuke stared at his hand, still feeling the warmth of tanned skin on his palm and a misguided desire to bring his lips into contact with his friend's. _Insane. Definitely going off the deep end fast._ He left the room and tried to convince himself that he hadn't also been checking out Naruto's bare chest with more than passing interest.

---

Naruto was not usually self-conscious, but bugger all - _today_ was an exception.

Every time he caught his best friend's dark eyes on him, he was having the unerring tendency to fumble what was in his hands or stutter 'um's like they were going outta style. Nasty habit. He hated being nervous. He also hated spilling hot tea all over his hands simply because he got distracted looking at the epic perfection that was Sasuke's washboard abs.

So here he was, making tea for his unwanted guests AGAIN, all the while fretting over the fact that Sasuke didn't remember their night of sordid love. Not that he completely remembered either... they really had drank more than was advisable. But after their brief interlude outside Sai's apartment... _God_, just remembering how it had felt to touch his friend like that...

After _that_, there was no way he was going to let Sasuke change his mind about going further. And the dark-haired boy _had_ been showing signs of reconsidering by the time they'd made it to Naruto's apartment. For his own part, he was feeling jittery as well, so he decided that getting themselves totally smashed was a bloody fantastic idea.

Unfortunately, the haze of alcohol, while allowing them to act on impulses that might never see the light of day, had obscured the little details. Like who had buggered who. Though whichever way it had been, it had been the most incredible feeling of Naruto's life.

Had Sasuke really forgotten _everything_?

Naruto risked another look at the dark-haired ninja. He was gorgeous.

"Fuck," Naruto seethed as realized he'd knocked over the sugar jar. That's it. Sasuke was bad for his health. Bad for his concentration, his motor skills, and bad for keeping his thoughts from sinking even further into the gutter that they were happily making into their new home. Why now? He'd decided ages ago that he would never let on to his sort-of attraction for his best friend, and now it was raging out of control.

_Stupid Sai._ It was all his fault!

A hand on his caused Naruto to nearly jump through the ceiling. Sasuke. He froze, more than a little aware of how close the other boy was standing, and that he could feel the heat of Sasuke's body radiating against the bare skin of his back. His hand clenched tighter on the sugar jar's lid where it rested on the counter.

"Dobe, I should have known you couldn't even handle making tea," Sasuke said under his breath in mild exasperation, leaning over the blond's shoulder. His voice was right next to Naruto's ear and contained a deeper thrum than usual. The blond's thoughts were having a field day in that gutter. "Let me," the dark-haired boy insisted, encouraging Naruto to release his death grip on the ceramic lid.

Slim, pale fingers pried Naruto's off of the piece of crockery. Naruto was overly preoccupied with the fact that Sasuke's arms had to encircle him to do so. The gutter-thoughts were dancing. They almost died of joy when Naruto felt lips brush against the side of his neck. He himself almost died of embarrassment for, unlike them, he remembered they had company.

He jumped back and slapped a fake grin on his face. "T-Thanks, Sasuke, I'll leave it to you then!" Being overly exuberant was a nervous habit, too. Retreating to the safer distraction of green spandex clad guests, he noticed (and thanked the gods) that the two ninja had been holding a conversation and had missed the whole thing.

"Naruto-kun," Guy said, waving him over to the third barstool and pulling him into their discussion.

It was nothing worth mentioning.

He glanced back at Sasuke, who quickly looked away, busying himself with tea. Strange. The mugs and spoons were already out so he wouldn't have been needing help finding anything....

A few minutes later the dark-haired shirtless ninja brought over a tray with the tea and began handing them out. Guy, Lee, and then Naruto. He paused at Naruto, quirking a slender brow in query as he gave him his mug.

Naruto wrote it off as nothing, and took a sip of his tea. It was as he lowered the mug that he realized the reason. It was _that_ mug. One he never would have taken out for company. A gift from Sai on his last birthday, the black mug proclaimed: "Blonds do it harder, faster, longer" in a yellow, gothic font and had an unremovable pair of mini handcuffs dangling from the handle. His face started to flush. Sasuke must've snooped in his cabinets while he wasn't looking and switched it out!

_Bastard!_ he glared at his friend in outrage. Said bastard merely smirked in amusement, obviously curious to know why such a mug was in his possession.

_Damn you, Sai! _

"So, Naruto..." Guy was saying, turning to face him.

Naruto hurriedly tried to cover as much of the mug's text as possible while preventing the mini-cuffs from jingling. _OW!_It was HOT! "Mmmhmm?" he said through a pained smile.

"I hear that Hokage-sama is sending your team out to Water Country tomorrow..." He paused. "Sai seems an odd replacement for Sakura..."

Sasuke set his mug down with a thump. "What did you say?"

"That Sai is replacing Sakura-san," Lee repeated. "You _were_ aware that she injured herself last week while training for an advanced medical technique, were you not?" His tone implied that Sasuke had better be aware.

"Of course," Sasuke scoffed. "Even Naruto knew that. Right, Naruto?" A brief flick of dark eyes let Naruto know it was a bald-faced lie and that he had better back up _or else_.

"Um, yeah," Naruto said, inwardly cursing his 'um's. "But we hadn't heard anything about Sai."

"Hmm," Guy said. "I did just overhear it from Shizune... Maybe she got it wrong."

"Or maybe you mis-heard?" Sasuke suggested, annoyed that the teacher-nin perpetually avoided admitting fault, as if it were merely _unthinkable_ that he could be wrong.

Guy waved off the comment. "In any case, you two should sort this out so you can begin making preparations."

The man downed the rest of the tea and let out a sigh of appreciation. "Thank you for the tea, Naruto." He turned to Lee who was diligently chugging his tea in imitation. "Come, my pupil, for we must _train_," he said in his talk-show host voice. "A lazy ninja is a dead ninja." He let out an echoing, embarrassingly cheesy laugh and disappeared in a puff of smoke.

Lee finished his tea, and set the mug down with emphasis. "Kyaaaaaaaaa-" His fist came up to his face and his eyes gleamed with tears of awe. "Isn't Guy-sensei just amazing?? And so profound, too." He jumped up from the stool. "Well then, I must be off. Thanks for the tea, Naruto."

Naruto nodded, and Lee was off in a flash.

Sasuke turned to the blond, an annoyed look on his face. "They did realize that **I** made it, right?"

Naruto let his head rest on the counter. "No, probably not.... But at least they're gone."

---

The mission's participants were just as Guy had predicted, and the atmosphere lived up to what Sasuke had dreaded.

The four of them sped towards Water Country, leaping from bough to bough in the dense forest outside Leaf Village, on the first leg of a journey which promised to be every bit as painful as the pre-mission meeting.

-000-

"Eh?" Naruto had complained upon the Hokage's debriefing. "We need a team leader? What the hell, hag, we're adults!"

Sasuke nodded in agreement, despite wanting to beat Naruto in the head for being so loud and annoying this early in the morning.

"Shut it, kid," Tsunade growled. "Now, as I was saying--"

"What's wrong with one of us being team leader?" he persisted. "Like me!"

The Hokage frowned and folded her fan with a snap. "Let me lay it to you straight. You, Naruto," she whipped the fan in an arc, stopping it just under the blond's nose, "you are too brash, excitable and impatient." The fan pointed at Sasuke. "You, Uchiha, let your anger get the best of you and are not very good at working with others." Her eyes flicked to Sai for emphasis before settling on the pale boy fully. "And you, Sai, know very well why I cannot entrust you with this mission."

Sai nodded, his mask of a placid smile not wavering from his face.

"Huh?" Naruto said, looking back and forth.

"Dobe," Sasuke muttered under his breath, "it means she can't be certain of his loyalties due to the stuff that happened last year with Danzou."

"Oh-" Naruto started to say.

"And for you, Sasuke-kun," Sai said in his cordial voice, smiling and not bothering to look at the other boy. "It was nice of the Hokage to refrain from mentioning your lack of suitability due to your untrustworthiness. I'm surprised she even let you back in the village after your escapades with Orochimaru." He smirked as Sasuke emit a low growl. "I would say that anger management is the _least_of your failings. Your ability to utterly betray everyone you ever knew, however..."

Sasuke launched himself at the other boy, intent on his blood. _So I made a mistake! Fine! I don't need this sarcastic little bitch rubbing it in my face!_

Sai's eyes opened and the smile dropped off of his face as he reached for his scroll and ink brush. He looked ready and willing to fight.

Before the two could collide, Tsunade hooked an arm around Sasuke's neck with lightning speed, placing him in a choke-hold with her inhuman strength. "SAI," she barked at the other boy, stilling the short-haired ninja's attack. He paused with his brush just touching the paper. "Kids," she muttered.

After a fifteen minute lecture on people skills and learning to hold your temper, she released them. "Good luck, kiddos," she said with false cheer, and kicked them out of her office.

Now, nearly an hour later, mission underway, Sasuke was still seething. He knew the Hokage would be watching him closely since his return, and that he would have to work hard to prove himself. For god's sake, though, he'd only been 15 at the time. Everyone makes dumb mistakes when they are young. Plus, he hated the whole thing being brought up in front of Naruto, whom he'd hurt the most. Naruto, whose eyes always dimmed and whose face assumed a painfully fake smile at the mere mention of it.

_Fucking Sai._

Tsunade probably only assigned Kakashi as team leader because she knew how likely Sasuke was to try and kill his mouthy doppelganger. Otherwise, this mission could have been handled by a three man team, one of them acting as the authority.

Kakashi, with whom Sasuke had trained extensively one-on-one, his sensei, was rather blasé about the whole affair.

"Kill each other if you want," he'd said blandly the moment they were ejected from the Hokage's office, nose in his illicit book. "But please do it after the mission is completed, or else I will be forced to _intervene_."

-000-

Sasuke shuddered. If there was one person you didn't want to cross... (well, on the 'good guy' side, he amended) it was Hatake Kakashi.

The Scarecrow.

The guy fought dirty, and seemed to have no compunctions about it. And his perversions knew no bounds. The two made a deadly combination.

He glanced at the silver-haired ninja who was well ahead of their group. _Maybe now..._

Things had happened so fast the other day, and what with the sudden awkwardness between himself and the blond, they had parted ways before ever really... discussing what had happened. It wasn't everyday that you woke up naked in bed with your best friend. They needed to talk about this, or at least, agree to forget about it. "Naru-"

"What are you thinking about, Sasuke-kun?" Sai said then, dropping in beside him and ruining his opportunity to pull Naruto aside. His tone was innocent, but Sasuke knew better. "You look so serious. I could almost say that you were pondering something deep and meaningful, if I didn't know you better."

Sasuke said nothing in reply. He wouldn't manage to be civil if he spoke, and another fight would be in the making.

"Ah, and now you are ignoring me," the pale boy said with mock hurt. "It's rude, Sasuke-kun, though quite consistent of you."

"Isn't there someone else you could be bothering?" Sasuke said though clenched teeth.

"Hmn, I suppose I could lavish my attention on Naruto-kun, but I get the feeling you would have a hissy-fit, so I refrained in the name of keeping the peace. One of us has to be mature, after all."

"You..." Sasuke could feel his eye twitching. He could not, for the life of him see how Naruto and Sakura had been able to stand this guy being on their team. Everything he said was offensive and skewed!

"By the way, it's totally obvious that you two pounded each other. Was it good? I bet you were on the bottom."

Sasuke lost his footing.

He used his chakra to keep from falling but ended up hanging upside-down under the large branch. _What in the hell is with this guy??!_ He allowed himself a moment of deep breathing, before righting himself, and counted to 10, twice.

Sai backtracked, and crouched down to look at him from a nearby bough. "You ok? We're falling behind." His face was bland, as usual, giving no indication of the outrageous things he had just said.

"Just fine," Sasuke growled.

"Hey, don't get so touchy. It's not my fault you got so drunk you can't remember anything."

"Wha-" How in the hell did he know about that??

"Hurry the hell up, Sasuke-kun, they're getting too far ahead of us." He leapt to Sasuke's branch and offered him a hand. Sasuke ignored it, which they both expected, and righted himself. "Oh, and to answer your question," Sai said with a smile, "Naruto-kun told me." With that, the short-haired ninja moved ahead and left Sasuke trailing behind.

* * *

**TBC**


End file.
